I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
