Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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