she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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