oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were destined to go to rehab together
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
