Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
