you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
