the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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