I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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