We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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