Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
