Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
