watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
