I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
