70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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