It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
