"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize