apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
