I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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