Porn is love you can see.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
