while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
