I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
