i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
