with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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