I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
