I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
