do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
