its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
