i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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