he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
