i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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