I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
