man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
