Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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