What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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