my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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