I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
