She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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