Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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