you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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