I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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