i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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