I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
