Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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