The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
