I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
