the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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