Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
