bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
