he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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