Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize