filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
