Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
