So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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