Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
