I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
