so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
