Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
