We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
