You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Vodka?
Forever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
