there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
