Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize