i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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