I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think your dad took our porno
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
