just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
