I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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