Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
