I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
