Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
