i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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