I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
