goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
