I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
