So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
