His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
