There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
